She plopped on my coach with frustration and tears in her eyes. “Why is it so hard for me to put myself out there? I feel paralyzed at the thought of creating my own community but I’m so sick of not feeling seen by my friends and family.”

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As a psychotherapist and community builder, I often see clients who have just moved to a new city or have simply outgrown their social circles, looking for deeper connections and meaningful experiences. 

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Jewish wisdom holds that an individual’s life source comes from their community. So, according to the great sage Hillel, to be split from one’s community is to be split from one’s life source. 

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In 2014, I co-founded Chaya, a community space for Jewish Iranians to experience meaningful connection and deepen their self-expression. The name Chaya is rooted in Jewish mysticism. According to Kabbalah, the Jewish soul has five levels; chaya is the level of the soul that functions to uplift one’s community.

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In the process of building a community of over 5,000 people in the past few years and being surrounded by other sacred-gathering creators, I’ve learned some tips on how to step out of smallness and into confidence when building your circle.

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1. Mindset

You might be hesitant to start your own circle because you think the world is over-saturated with speakers or facilitators. The truth is, even in a world with over seven billion people, nobody is able to communicate and express themselves the way you do. I promise you, there is a group of people waiting for your message. So offer yourself an apology for buying into the misbelief that you aren’t good enough to do this. The world needs you in full self-expression!

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2. Clarity: What you’re inspired by vs what you’re good at

Grab a piece of paper and draw a vertical line down the middle. On the left side, write a list of what inspires you. On the right, write a list of things you are good at. (Some examples might be: tarot card reading, interior design, spirituality, personal development, yoga, frisbee, body movement, healing, laughter, art, administrative tasks, law, business, graphic design, organizing, social justice, social media, or communication skills.) Start to combine items from the left and right side of your sheet to create your unique mission and shared values for your tribe. Are you a lawyer looking for spiritual connection? Maybe you use your analytical skills to run a meditation and wellness center. Are you a writer and enjoy tarot cards? Maybe you create an Instagram platform with daily tarot card readings written by you.

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3. Experiment with social media platforms

Some people prefer writing, others prefer audio, while some prefer cinematography and visuals. Especially in the wake of social distancing, virtual platforms are being used more than ever to create community, and they can be a wonderful baby step toward in-person gatherings. Start experimenting by contributing to different platforms and noticing which ones you enjoy most. It could be writing an article for your growing email list or one of your favorite online websites, being a guest speaker or starting your own podcast, doing a story takeover on someone else’s Instagram account with a similar mission or audience, starting your own Instagram, or attending Zoom events that are interesting to you and sending a message in the chatroom to see if anyone wants to do a deeper dive on what they are learning with you. The goal is to create valuable content for free or to start to build rapport with your future circle. 

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4. Have a casual gathering in your living room

We are holding ourselves back if we think we have to jump from zero to 5,000 people in our circle overnight. Maybe you enjoy more intimate gatherings and cap your circle at four or five people. Maybe you are looking for a gathering of 50. Whatever your goal may be based on your mission or values, I recommend starting in the comfort of your home. My first event was 10 people sitting around my dining room table and now I’m doing events with 300+ attendees. Feel free to experiment with sizes as you evolve, but there’s something undeniably fun about starting small. Send out an email, text, or DM to people who you think may share the same values as you and begin connecting in person!

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5. What do I need for an in-person event?

It’s up to you to set up your vibes: wine, tea, finger food, or a nourishing meal. Flowers, candles, or neither. Suggested donation, free event, or ticket fee. It’s your choice. Pick what feels inspiring and beautiful to you. Don’t forget to include your date, address, start time, and end time. What’s most important is your content. Research shows connection happens when we are courageous, meaning we show up vulnerably with our whole hearts. The best way to create connection is to pick three to four questions to ask your circle based on a topic that is meaningful to you and to allow each person to share. Feel free to sprinkle in your own experiences or expertise and voila! Your event will be a fulfilling and overflowing success. If you want to add additional value to your circle, you can research content online, gather your favorite materials, quotes, articles, video clips, etc. It’s up to you!

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6. Grow!

Ask your attendees to nominate future community members by sending you their information or continue to foster your core people. Keep expressing your message online and step into the empowered leader your soul knows you are.

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At The Well uplifts many approaches to Jewish practice. Our community draws on ancient Jewish wisdom, sometimes adapting longstanding practices to more deeply support the well-being of women and nonbinary people. See this article’s sources below. We believe Torah (sacred teachings) are always unfolding to help answer the needs of the present moment.

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Sources

Well Circles, At The Well

The Importance of the Community (Kehilla) in Judaism, My Jewish Learning

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