During Kislev, almost every Torah learning portion talks about dreaming. As the long winter nights approach, dusk and darkness come faster; daylight leaves sooner. Kislev, the third month (or the ninth, depending if you’re counting from Tishrei or Nissan), is a month of moving through the darkness with illumination.

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Recently, I had a dream about my babushka (Z”L). When she appeared, she didn’t look like herself, but a much younger version, one I've only ever seen in black and white photos. That morning, I thought about my grandmother, my mother, and myself, and the cyclical nature of the three archetypes of the Maiden, the Mother, and the Crone. These three archetypes symbolize stages in the reproductive life cycle and phases of the moon: the waxing crescent, the full moon, and the waning crescent. They are three varying phases of one complete cycle.

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In the world of reproductive health, there’s a fact I love to share: when ovaries develop in a fetus, they also develop all of the eggs they will ever have. All pregnancy originates with an egg that developed in utero — we all start life inside of our grandmothers. We are three bodies physically bound by one reproductive cycle.

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As a former doula, I have witnessed hundreds of thunderous births, worked one-on-one with lactating parents, and experienced personally disempowering OBGYN visits. This led me to find power in proactively seeking out information and befriending my body. Perhaps my most vulnerable and powerful moment was when my midwife taught me to give myself a cervical exam with a flashlight and a handheld mirror.

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My babushka didn’t discuss her body with me because her generation didn’t talk to grandchildren about these things. Because of this, I have so many lingering questions. I want to know how long she was in labor with my mother and what she used for menstrual pads in Kiev. I want to ask if she felt sad, relieved, or both when she experienced menopause. I want to know what challenges her body went through as she aged, because normalizing and sharing knowledge of our reproductive experiences will allow us to better hold space for each other’s diversity.

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Because experiences like PCOS, vaginismus, endometriosis, pelvic floor issues, mastitis, irregular periods, miscarriage, infertility, perimenopause, and menopause are often overlooked by mainstream society, they remain a mystery for many women who might very well undergo them. How silly that we may not tell each other about our own experiences. Where did we learn this secrecy? How might we change it and acknowledge that we can all benefit from illuminating light into this darkness?

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I encourage us to share our knowledge with courage. I suggest gathering a group, ideally of all ages, to engage in an authentic discussion around reproductive health. You can create group agreements about confidentiality, sensitivity, and care before you start, and prepare question prompts on topics such as experience with doctors or healers, periods, menopause, or infertility. By asking questions, we can acknowledge, recognize, and honor what knowledge we might lack about our bodies, others’ bodies, and the reproductive cycle. By sharing what we’ve learned, we have an opportunity to spread our wisdom.

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As we reflect on our relationship to the three archetypes, Maiden, Mother, and Crone, we can honor and experience the continuum of change in our life cycles. After all, they are not three strangers, but have been connected since the beginning.

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At The Well uplifts many approaches to Jewish practice. Our community draws on ancient Jewish wisdom, sometimes adapting longstanding practices to more deeply support the well-being of women and nonbinary people. See this article’s sources below. We believe Torah (sacred teachings) are always unfolding to help answer the needs of the present moment.

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Sources

Ovaries, You and Your Hormones

Creating the Jewish Pregnancy, My Jewish Learning

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