Content warning: This article addresses an experience of pregnancy loss.

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The doctrine of self-love and self-care may be a trendy concept lately, but Judaism has been preaching it since ancient history. The mikvah — or the “Spiritual Spa,” as I like to call it — is what I consider to be the Jewish equivalent of a yoga retreat. Though many women don’t know what this ritual bath is all about, it is one of the most uniquely physical and powerful transformative opportunities for reflection and prayer.

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The blessing of the mikvah first came into my life a few years ago when I lost my first pregnancy in my second trimester. I was desperately looking for healing and a mourning ritual, and Rabbi Shira Stutman, Senior Rabbi at Sixth & I Synagogue in Washington D.C., suggested I try the mikvah. I was terrified.

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The mikvah is a bath used since ancient times in Judaism for ritual immersions. Women and men use the physical nature of the mikvah waters to pray and to find a spiritual cleanliness and holiness. Though there are aspects of Judaism that have been specially created and curated for women, most of what has been passed down about Jewish customs and culture are the aspects codified by male scribes. As a result, many of the rich and beautiful female components can be lost to history. Often synced up to the miraculous cycle of women’s bodies — like the celebration of Rosh Chodesh at the beginning of each new lunar month of the Hebrew calendar — these traditions are less well known and less well documented than others. This is how the mitzvah of mikvah felt to me — like something only Orthodox women participated in because only they held onto this fringe exercise of belief. I thought it wasn’t for me.

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Growing up attending Jewish day school and spending my summers at Jewish sleepaway camp, I considered myself a well-educated Jewish woman. Yet even with all my formal education and life experience, no one had ever encouraged me to visit the mikvah before. I am thankful that Rabbi Shira did.

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The mikvah was calling out to me, but I was afraid. I booked my appointment online, but I wasn’t sure if I would actually go through with it. I assumed the “mikvah lady” would stand there and judge me for not knowing exactly what to do. I was afraid I wouldn’t prepare my body properly beforehand and would be kicked out, I was afraid the water would be dirty and cold, and I was afraid it would be something I couldn’t participate in because I’m not religious enough. For better or worse, my own pain was so great that it curbed my social anxiety. I figured that whatever happened in there couldn’t put me in a worse frame of mind than I was in already, so I should give it a try. I was starting to hit anger in the cycle of my grief, and I was ready to have it out with this mysterious mikvah lady.

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I arrived on the scheduled date and was greeted with a gorgeous spa-like atmosphere at the Adas Israel Community Mikvah in Washington D.C. by a truly lovely woman. She not only welcomed me but shared her sympathy for my experience. She showed me where everything was and how to prepare for the bath, and there were even cards printed out with blessings and immersion ceremonies specifically tailored to my needs. She then kindly left me alone as I said I did not want a witness for my immersion, and I carried on in peace.

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The immersion itself was unlike any other Jewish or spiritual experience I had ever taken part in. I couldn’t even compare it to the type of prayer I was familiar with — standing beside my family, surrounded by a group of kids I went to preschool with and their families, all wishing it was time for the kiddush lunch already. The mikvah was truly a physical ceremony: the nakedness, the flowing warm water, the feeling of total oneness.

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My loss wasn’t magically cleansed away that day, but my appreciation for the depth of value Judaism could contribute to my life was immediately changed. In the weeks since my loss I had felt a gaping emptiness where I had expected comfort. Ultimately, it was the combined support of the rabbis I confided in as well as the transformative experience of the mikvah that answered that spiritual need for me.

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I chose to return to Adas and immerse in my ninth month of pregnancy for my second child. I was met by Naomi Malka, the very lovely Mikvah Director there, and was once again made to feel comforted and cared for. These two personal experiences juxtaposed so distinctly for me — between ending and beginning, life lost and life about to begin. This time around, I eagerly looked forward to my date at the mikvah. I counted down the days because I knew it meant the baby was coming soon. As soon as I sank beneath the water completely, my baby began to kick. I’m sure he could sense the weightless sensation of the experience as well as my own emotions changing as I immersed. I’m grateful to have reached this momentous day right on the precipice of birth, and to be part of a tradition that enables me to honor it in this way.

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So take it from this modern gal, the mikvah is the Spiritual Spa we all could use. Whether you’re celebrating a milestone or just want to take a moment to find a quiet avenue for prayer you may not have explored before, I encourage you to revisit the preconceptions you may have about the ritual bath and visit one near you.

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At The Well uplifts many approaches to Jewish practice. Our community draws on ancient Jewish wisdom, sometimes adapting longstanding practices to more deeply support the well-being of women and nonbinary people. See this article’s sources below. We believe Torah (sacred teachings) are always unfolding to help answer the needs of the present moment.

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Sources

What Is a Mikveh?, My Jewish Learning

Immersion Ceremonies, Mayyim Hayyim

Member Directory, Rising Tide Open Waters Network (Mayyim Hayyim)

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