As I ascended a mountain peak, preparing to embark on a profound twelve-hour period of fasting and introspection, a sense of deep gratitude washed over me. It was Shabbat Ha-Gadol, the Shabbat that takes place during the journey of Passover, a special period of spiritual preparation in the Jewish calendar that provides space to dive into our hearts. This particular year, I felt called to enter the woods, lose my mind, and find my soul.

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From the time I was a young girl, I felt a deep connection to the woods. One of my first memories is standing in an enormous meadow with my dad on our annual summer vacation to the mountains of Yosemite. I was struggling with my parents’ divorce, a tremendously difficult time for me. Despite the inner chaos, standing in that meadow brought me a deep sense of calm. For the first time in months, I could breathe and see clearly. As a herd of deer graced one end of the meadow, their beauty and gentleness lent me both strength and peace. 

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I was too young to know it at the time, but the tranquility of that meadow imprinted within me profound tools for healing that I would use later in my life. Nature was my first teacher, showing me the path to inner serenity. By following its wisdom and ancient intuition, I found a place where the chaos of daily life recedes, and the voice of G-d reverberates within me and heals my soul. 

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Seated in meditation on this particular Shabbat Ha-Gadol, I inhaled the crisp mountain air, engaging in silent dialogue with the buzzing insects. This was Nissan, the month signifying redemption, freedom, and liberation. I hoped that in my communion with nature, I could shed antiquated beliefs and ancestral patterns, soothing my nervous system and deepening my inner freedom. I grounded myself on the earth and prepared for twelve hours alone with my body and the elements.

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Unexpectedly, a melody escaped from my lips. My heart led me to sing "Modah Ani," a gesture of profound gratitude to the Divine for renewing my spirit and harmonizing body and soul. Next, "Ma Tovu" stirred within me as I envisioned a radiant temple and a golden light casting a halo around me. I didn’t need a synagogue — the sky was my sanctuary, the trees my sisters, and the earth my anchor.

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As I sang, the mountain breeze whispered, stirring me to chant and drum, rousing my lymphatic flow, engaging in a silent dialogue with my inner organs. I found myself moving to the melody of "Asher Yatzar," a profound blessing acknowledging the processes of the body. This dance was a symphony of gratitude and love, breaking me free from my stressed nervous system and allowing my body to articulate movements of reverence and appreciation.

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As the sun peaked and began to fall, intuition guided me. My neshama, my Jewish soul, instinctively knew the rhythm of the morning blessings, guiding the flow of my body in union with my soul. 

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Amid the orchestra of nature, with birds as my chorus and water buffalo as my silent audience, I bowed in reverence. The earth beneath me, the water embodying my emotions, the air sustaining my breath, and the fire igniting my spirit, all merged seamlessly. 

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I felt myself transcending the boundaries of self, becoming one with all existence, a vessel of peace, embodying the prayer, "Oseh Shalom." I prayed to the Divine to help me bring peace from within out into the world.

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In the serene embrace of the mountains, I once again found refuge and strength. As I sang "Shema Yisrael," I listened, invoking protection for myself and loved ones, dancing as divinity pulsed through my veins, yearning for a deeper union.

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My prayers, grounding into the earth and ascending to the heavens, were shielded by the benevolent archangels, Gavriel, Michael, Uriel, and Raphael. The Shekhinah, a beacon of guidance, illuminated my path.

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Never alone, I stood connected to the multitude of souls preceding me.

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I was home.

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At The Well uplifts many approaches to Jewish practice. Our community draws on ancient Jewish wisdom, sometimes adapting longstanding practices to more deeply support the well-being of women and nonbinary people. See this article’s sources below. We believe Torah (sacred teachings) are always unfolding to help answer the needs of the present moment.

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Sources

Shabbat HaGadol, My Jewish Learning

Morning Blessings, My Jewish Learning

Jewish Concepts: Angels and Angelology, Jewish Virtual Library

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